How meditation helped one Hongkonger overcome her cocaine addiction
While not a cure-all for addiction, meditation offered this Hong Kong writer a low-pressure path to recovery and self-awareness
The more cocaine you do, the more brazen you become.
At the height of my addiction in 2010s Hong Kong, I was getting through several bags a week. It took a completely unexpected, almost accidental pivot towards meditation to change the course of my life.
I remember a business dinner with my boss and my boss’ boss, visiting from New York. We were in a private room at an exclusive Hong Kong club, but I touched none of the exquisite food.
Instead, I slipped to the bathroom every 30 to 40 minutes, snorted a line of cocaine, then returned to the table and ordered another martini, gesturing for whatever food was in front of me to be cleared.
My bosses must have known what was happening. They had not reached the top of their professions by missing cues.
For some reason, they gave me a pass that night – maybe because I was what people call high-functioning: professionally reliable, socially decorous, apparently in control. I could still hit intimidating deadlines and help raise a family.
The comedowns, however, became awful, leaving me feeling sordid and exhausted. I started meditating – not because I wanted to quit, but as a tiny lifestyle add-on: a few minutes, once a week, to see whether I could feel less bad.