Racing events are superficial and pretentious
Events featuring horses are pretentious affairs, where you cannot leave smelling like roses
I think horses are majestic animals and it's beautiful to watch them run wild and jump free. But please don't make me go to any more horse events in Hong Kong.
How is it that we've convinced ourselves that any equine related activity is somehow inherently possessed of posh elegance and to be attended by the highest echelon of society - or at least those sucking up to get near the top.
Initially, it seemed interesting enough. Half the venue was set up like a hotel ballroom with starched table cloth and centrepieces. The main venue space though was dirt and jumping obstacles. Naturally, my friend had to show off her backstage credentials and invited me to the horses area. The privilege seemed alluring until I realised I would be up close to horses.
No matter how well they are groomed and treated, they're still animals and they kind of smell. They're also not potty trained so occasionally they leave large wet clumps of manure around. I wished I remembered this before I started walking around the stables in a pair of Louboutins.
No matter how much I tried to avoid stepping into icky things, my heels were inevitably smudged with mud, straw and the worst things from the wrong end of an animal. I realised my beloved pumps are never going to be as clean or unspoiled again. Now I know how my men friends feel when they suddenly discover a girlfriend is not as pure as he thought.
From my perspective, if we were unlucky then we would win a race. Yes, unlucky. That means then I would have to join my date or my uncle who is an owner and head down to the track for platitudes, handshakes and pictures. That means getting another pair of shoes dirty.
It's not just horse jumping and racing I don't like. Even the country club game of polo I am not crazy for. It's a nice excuse to wear my Philip Treacy headdresses but, ultimately, they'll make me wobble onto the pitch and stomp on stupid divots. If I want to embarrass myself and ruin my clothes, I'll just get drunk in Central.
The Aristocrat