With social media at your fingertips, it is easy to do a quick search for that cute guy or girl you are about to go on a date with, but if you want to find love – don’t do it, says one local matchmaker.
“We are quick to judge, think too much and put too much meaning into small things,” said Violet Lim Xiaoyuan CEO of the Lunch Actually Group, former Citibank employee and certified matchmaker. “Often people make up stories in their minds and prejudice themselves against those they are going to meet.”
The group, which organises lunch dates for busy professionals in Hong Kong, Singapore and Malaysia, recently conducted a survey of 375 men and women in Hong Kong about their dating habits – information mostly gathered from their mailing lists and online, using Facebook.
The survey found eight out of 10 women and six out of 10 men “e-stalked” their dates, looking at Facebook, searching on Google and other social media to learn about them before they met.
The data was not indicative of a wider Hong Kong; it was more representative of the views of Lunch Actually’s target market of professionals between 25 to 40 years old with university degrees or higher said Lim.
She said knowing facts before meeting the person, led to either a “halo effect” or a “horn effect”. One leading to disappointment by creating expectations, while the other often meant no date at all, despite there being nothing actually wrong with the people.
Lim gives an example of a couple now happily married after meeting through Lunch Actually who might never have met if the woman had decided to do a bit of research. The man was an entertainer at Ocean Park and the woman was a lawyer. “You would think why would this lawyer pick an entertainer – a juggler? But they really hit it off.”