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Luisa Tam
SCMP Columnist
Blowing Water
by Luisa Tam
Blowing Water
by Luisa Tam

Carrie Lam’s clumsy parenting analogy was designed to take sting out of extradition bill protests, but only burns relations with Hong Kong mothers

  • The city leader presenting herself as a mothering figure for Hongkongers, when police used rubber bullets and tear gas on mainly young protesters, demonstrates how Lam’s attempts to defuse crisis have backfired

A mother’s instinct is to protect her child, no matter what, and this selfless impulse was on full display by fierce Hong Kong mothers during the past few days of protest against the contentious extradition bill.

The string of impassioned protests have been triggered by the Hong Kong Chief Executive Carrie Lam Cheng Yuet-ngor, when she likened her relationship with the protesters to that of a mother and her child.

In a recent television interview, Lam said that if she gives in to every demand from her son, he would be spoiled, end up regretting getting everything he wanted, and he would blame her for not teaching him how to distinguish right from wrong.

In not so cryptic fashion, Lam effectively said that she had no intention of backing down and withdrawing the extradition bill, which the government said was aimed at plugging a legal loophole to prevent the city from being turned into a haven for criminal suspects.

Carrie Lam says she would not cave in to protesters in the same way she would not give in to a son during an interview with TVB News, before announcing a climbdown on Saturday.

In response to Lam’s poorly directed comments, a group of mothers, including lawyers and academics, banded together to form “Hong Kong Mothers”. Not long after that, thousands more mothers joined them in an act of open defiance.

At present, the city only has fugitive extradition agreements with 20 jurisdictions; among those it has no such arrangement with are the Chinese mainland, Macau or Taiwan.

Hongkongers, however, fear the amended fugitive law would be used to silence political activists such as facilitating arbitrary arrests to send political opponents to the mainland for trial.

Lam suspended the bill on June 15. In spite of this stopgap solution, 2 million Hongkongers still took to the streets a day later, calling for the bill to be scrapped.

Tear gas is fired into protesters in Harcourt Road in Admiralty last Wednesday. Photo: Sam Tsang

A week earlier, a million people had already voiced their discontent in a mass rally. Among the protesters, the “Hong Kong Mothers” have drawn considerable public attention and admiration.

What the “Hong Kong Mothers” did in the days following Lam’s mother-child remarks was precisely what any loving mother would do – to do whatever it takes to protect her child, especially in trying times.

Protesting mothers call on government to withdraw extradition bill

These mothers set up an online anti-extradition petition that drew tens of thousands of signatures, and rallied thousands of mothers to join in protests in the following days. And more importantly, they sent a scathing statement to rebuke Lam’s mother-son analogy.

The petition read: “We are a group of mothers in Hong Kong, and we would definitely not use tear gas, potentially lethal rubber bullets and beanbag rounds on our children, and we would not remain unmoved on seeing young people covered with blood after being bashed by police batons.”

The petition also reminded Lam that she was a servant to the people, even though she is the head of the Special Administrative Region, and in effect a maternal figure to the city – at least in theory.

To put it bluntly, Lam has been fumbling in her attempt to defuse the protests.

What a truly caring mother would have done is to listen, communicate, then understand what her child wants. Any parent who cares about the well-being of the next generation would have done that.

This means communicating in a direct manner to understand what a child’s concerns, needs, and wants are; this allows a parent to find a middle ground to avoid a confrontation. Indulging a child and giving in to their whims is not the answer, and it is certainly not viable in the long-run.

Taking Lam’s mother-child analogy, what she should have done was to first understand that young people tend to develop ideas, values, and beliefs that are quite different from those of their parents. And being different in their approach in life is part of the inevitable process of growing up.

Carrie Lam told to withdraw extradition bill with full apology by Tuesday

Parents often have to struggle with how much freedom or leeway they should allow their children at different stages.

There is no fixed formula in parenting as every child is different, but a lack of communication always causes conflict, misunderstanding, and stress. Therefore, open and honest communication comes first and foremost.

If Lam really thinks Hongkongers are her children, she needs to let them grow up and help them through this process in the face of challenges and obstacles by being supportive and communicative.

Decisions can be made by discussing issues to reach an outcome that both sides can live with, no matter how difficult. A good mother should help her child to be their own person, which is a positive thing because eventually it will be beneficial to everyone involved.

Mothers turn out in Central last Friday in support of protesters and to criticise the police tactics used against their children. Photo: Dickson Lee

A final word of advice from one mother to another: keep the lines of communication open at all times and make it a conversation, not a monologue.

And remember, negative communication is a common cause of chronic conflict because nobody, young or not, would like to be forced into compliance.

Luisa Tam is a correspondent at the Post

This article appeared in the South China Morning Post print edition as: Lam’s parenting remarks only offer angry mothers ammunition
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