Chinese woman who has triplets using IVF criticised by men for giving children ‘incomplete family’
- A successful businesswoman sought IVF treatment abroad when she could not find a suitable man to marry and raise children with
- China bans IVF treatment for women who can not produce a marriage certificate
A single Chinese woman who had triplets using in vitro fertilisation (IVF) treatment has been heavily criticised – mainly by men – for “giving the children an incomplete family”.
Li Xueke, a 33-year-old Shandong-based businesswoman in eastern China, responded to the criticism by saying that “a family is complete as long as there is adequate love”, news portal Thepaper.cn reported.
Four years ago, Li decided to become a mother on her own. She went to Thailand to receive IVF treatment and chose the sperm of a British man. In July 2019, she gave birth to two boys and a girl, the report said.
In the years since giving birth, Li often shares videos documenting her triplets’ lives on social media platforms like Douyin and Xiaohongshu.
Her content has triggered a backlash with some online, primarily men, attacking her for having children without a male partner.
“What a selfish person! Have you considered your fatherless children’s feelings?” an internet user commented.
Li dismissed the criticism as baseless and ignorant.
“I was raised by my mother alone. My mother has given me adequate love. I don’t think I am different from others. On the contrary, my family background has given me bigger motivation and made me stronger and more independent,” said Li.
“I think the most important thing is to give kids adequate love, whether the love is from the mother or father. At present, my mother and aunt help me raise my kids. They love my kids, just like me. Our family is happy every day, full of joy and laughter. This kind of atmosphere is the most important, I believe,” said Li, adding that she is also encouraging her children to spend time with male relatives.
“That’s why I think as long as I give my kids plenty of love to enable them to grow up in an environment full of love, it doesn’t matter whether they have a father or not,” she said.
Others supported her decision.
“I salute this free-spirited and respectable mother,” wrote one commenter.
“Her life is what countless girls want to live. But of course, her case is as rare as one in 10,000, or rarer,” another person said.
The biggest challenge is to deal with the three young children’s emotions at the same time, said Li.
“Each of them has a different personality. Sometimes I deal with my daughter’s emotions, but probably ignore my two son’s emotions. Sometimes they cry all at once and it’s impossible for me to hug all of them, or comfort all of them at the same time. On this occasion, my mother and aunt will help me deal with the other two kids.”
Li, a native of Heze, Shandong, started out as a model when she was a teenager. She later opened a model school. Years ago, she set up companies in the e-commerce sector and brand management. She is “financially independent” now, she told the media.
She said she had planned to have children by herself “through any means” before she reached 30 years old if she could not find a suitable man to marry. She had several relationships but none that lasted.
“I just want to have my own kids,” Li said, adding that she set herself a deadline due to the difficulties women face getting pregnant as they get older.
She said she chose a foreigner as her children’s biological father partly because she thinks mixed-race children look beautiful. It’s also because she hoped to quash potential gossip among local residents in Heze that her children were the illegitimate offspring of a rich Chinese tycoon having an extramarital affair.
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Delivery courier in China goes to work with baby girl in tow
Her first course of IVF using two fertilised eggs failed. On the second try doctors transplanted three eggs, hoping the success rate would be higher. When all three embryos were successfully fertilised, doctors suggested she reduce the number of embryos she was carrying. Li rejected this, saying: “I don’t want to give up a single life”.
Li’s mother at first didn’t support her using IVF. As a single mother herself, Li’s mother said it was hard raising a child as a woman alone. Li’s parents divorced when she was three years old.
Li said she and her mother are like friends, keeping no secrets from each other. But due to her mother’s objection, Li had to hide her pregnancy from her mother until one month after her children were born.
She previously hesitated about revealing her experience, but after she posted on WeChat when her children were one month old, she said she was pleased by the praise from her friends.
“Since I’ve done it, I should not hide it. As a mother, if I cannot face up to it, how can I let my kids confront it? So I decided to release it to the public,” said Li.
“When they are a bit older, I will tell them how their mum made the decision and how they came to this world,” she said.
Li admits it’s exhausting to be “a mother and a father” for her three children. “But seeing their cute little faces, everything is worth it,” she said.
