Rowing across the Atlantic from calamity to contentment and emptiness, five years after being rescued
- Two rowers who were part of the infamous ‘Captain Calamity’ crew successfully exorcise demons by rowing across the Atlantic
- Ted Jackson feels content with his achievement, but George Ardavanis cannot explain his emptiness having finally crossed the ocean
Two men successfully rowed across the Atlantic this month, in separate crews, arriving in different countries at different times. On the face of it, their achievements are as unrelated as they are unremarkable (well, as unremarkable as rowing the Atlantic can be).
But they share an incredible experience from 2016 that stayed with them for years. Ted Jackson and George Ardavanis were part of a crew that was rescued just two days into a previous Atlantic crossing attempt. Their story was splashed across the British tabloids under the headline “Captain Calamity”. A notorious Atlantic captain had assembled the crew, been paid thousands of pounds per person to build a boat and lead the team. It did not take long to realise the boat was not seaworthy.
“After our first failure, I slumped into a massive depression. I lost my mojo across the board.” said Jackson, 49.
This time, Jackson and Ardavanis rowed in their separate boats in shifts – two hours on, two hours off – all day and all night for over a month. They were unsupported, had to carry all their food and make water. Jackson rowed from the Canary Islands to the Caribbean, and Ardavanis rowed from Portugal to French Guiana. Their second, successful adventures’ timing coincided by chance.
After 2016, Jackson was wracked with guilt. The captain’s first crew had all dropped out before even starting after growing tired of “Calamity’s” work. Jackson was the only one who remained. His brother, son and two friends replaced the old crew, along with some others who signed up.
“Life just got too tough after 2016. I was dead, a bit empty, a bit broken. I got sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I didn’t know what to do, or what would fix me.
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“I took on a lot of the responsibility for getting everyone involved, and I eventually had to get a life coach. And my life changed from then,” he said.
I’m sad to hear Jackson was in such a slump, but in other ways it was helpful to hear. It was exactly how I felt after my second failure – completely unmotivated, empty, pathetic. I did not want to do anything for months. I did not get a life coach, but I did have to drag myself out by forcing myself to sign up to things. It was not an overnight fix, but activity by activity I started to drag my mind out of the lowest hole I’d ever experienced.
“I didn’t want to do anything, I lost my purpose, I lost all my drive and determination to do anything,” Jackson said.
Jackson said in the build-up to 2016 he “put on blinkers”. I remember, I did the same. We were both blinded by the ambition to row the Atlantic and not willing to accept that it was obviously an unseaworthy boat.
“The night before we left I remember being convinced we were going to die,” Jackson said. “I was calling friends and family and was very teary. But I stuck my head in the sand. I wanted to do it. This time, I felt safe. I knew it’d be OK.”
This year, Jackson crossed from the Canary Islands to the Caribbean in 42 days with Rannoch Adventure, a boatbuilding company of repute. But even if they had not made it to the other side, he would not return to his post-Calamity low. He made a point of enjoying the process, and not putting pressure on the outcome. He counted his blessings to be able to row the Atlantic at all, especially during a pandemic, which helped him stay happy.
“I was very aware that I didn’t want to pin my life on the outcome of this adventure, because of last time. I am sitting here now, just content. Really content,” Jackson said. “I didn’t have that high. I just feel content.”
Ardavanis has a very different emotion after his successful 51-day crossing.
“I feel empty. I had motivation, provocation, it does not exist any more. It just feels like any other expedition. I can’t believe myself that I’m saying this,” Ardavanis, 66, said.
It is a strange reaction because he had the most catharsis to gain of any of “Captain Calamity’s” crew. In the wake of the tabloid storm, Ardavanis was named publicly in the Daily Mail by the captain. He said that Ardavanis had become so sea sick, and his kidney’s had failed, that we all needed to be rescued.
It is true that Ardavanis was in bad condition. But it’s little wonder – the hatches were not water tight and huge swells were crashing into the back of the boat, filling up the back cabins. He was sleeping in two or three inches of water. He was not the only one whose body was breaking down. Others in waterlogged cabins were becoming hypothermic. Ardavanis is deeply frustrated Calamity was able to pin the blame on him with no one to challenge him.
“I strongly believe if I didn’t ask to be taken off, there would be a big accident,” Ardavanis said. “Or we’d have to quit. This time, out in the ocean, I was thinking, we would be dead if we were here with Calamity.”
All the more reason to feel vindicated.
“I don’t know why [I don’t feel more vindicated], honestly,” he said. “Maybe, as it was 51 days, it was too long. I was the first Greek, the oldest person to do this route, from continent to continent, but nothing has touched me. Sincerely, I have no explanation.”
He has completed other shorter challenges, like the Marathon des Sables and climbing in the Himalayas, and felt very accomplished and emotional. “When you go for 51 days, maybe I was saturated in the ocean.”
Ardavanis worked hard on his mental strength before the crossing. He did not speak to anyone, even close friends, for five months so no one could question his motivation and fill him with negative thoughts. He sat on the rowing machine for 40km at a time, never taking a break – aside from the physical benefits, it is the monotony that trained his mind for crossing an ocean.
What makes his achievement even more incredible, is he had an operation just months before. The doctor said not to join the expedition. Also, he had a pain in his stomach during training and during the crossing and has since found out he had a hernia too.
“I said nothing. As Lance Armstrong said, pain is temporary, glory lasts forever. I repeated it continuously until I believed it. When I was in pain, I didn’t think about it,” he said.
“Everything is up here,” he said, pointing to his head. “If you have a strong mind then there is nothing to stop you.”
“Find someone who has a good record crossing the ocean,” Ardavanis advised.
This time, there is no Calamity aboard – most of the crew have rowed an ocean before, some have set world records or even rowed the Atlantic solo. The captain has rowed the Atlantic five times, and the Indian Ocean once. He held the Indian Ocean record and still holds the North Atlantic West to East record.
Aside from contentment, Jackson had one other emotion when he reached the Caribbean.
“I feel a bit guilty,” Jackson said. “I feel guilty for you and the others. I had a guilty feeling that I got there, and a part of me felt bad for you guys because I had done it. I had been part of driving the first trip.”
Adventures are not a zero-sum game. There is plenty to go around. Jackson need not feel guilty. I’m nothing but happy for his and Ardavanis’s achievements. And when my team and I pull away from shore into the Northwest Passage, whatever the outcome, I hope they share my catharsis too.
