How gay ‘conversion therapy’ survivors in Hong Kong were given mentally traumatic ‘treatment’, but learned to embrace their sexual orientation

In the 1990s, Hong Kong-based lawyer Tan Loke-khoon was, in his words, a “staunch Christian”. He served his religious community, giving sermons and leading bible study sessions. But he was also repressing his homosexuality. He felt there was something wrong with him, and that he could not be accepted by the church. When he sought help from his pastors, they told him he would go to hell if he did not “get cured”. Desperate for change, Tan flew to Asheville, in the US state of North Carolina, to have “conversion therapy” from the now-defunct Christian organisation Exodus International, whose mission was to “help” gay Christians become straight. Conversion therapy uses sustained efforts to discourage or change behaviours related to one’s sexual orientation or gender identity. The programme required him to repent by confessing his desires and experiences in great detail. For 10 days, Tan prayed, fasted – and cried from morning till night. “It was mentally very traumatic and physically very exhausting. There was a lot of aggressive shouting and it felt like I was being scolded. It was already decided that ‘you did something wrong, so you better tell me the details’. “It was like that throughout the entire period – it’s not physical, but psychologically you feel smaller and smaller and smaller.” ‘Jarring’: Hong Kong photo show pairs people from across the sexual spectrum Most people he met there went willingly, but some were pressured by their families, who would otherwise disown them. Many participants were on the brink of committing suicide, Tan recalls, as they thought they did not deserve to live unless they were “cured”. Alvin Cheung Hui-fung has a similar story. He first realised he experienced same-sex attraction when he was in primary school in Hong Kong. He fell in love with a boy in secondary school, but his conservative Christian upbringing and internalised homophobia led him to deny it. At age 21, he came out to a Christian “close friend” who encouraged him to seek out conversion therapy, which he did in 2005. “God can help you,” the friend assured him. Cheung discovered the New Creation Association, a conservative Christian group in Hong Kong founded by Kelvin Chung Kam-fai, who received training from Exodus Global Alliance, which was formed out of Exodus International in 2004. Exodus International dissolved in 2013 after its then president renounced conversion therapy and apologised to those who had taken part in its programmes. Exodus Global Alliance, however, is still active and promotes “a transformed life through the power of Jesus Christ” for those “affected by homosexuality”, according to its website. He said, ‘Homosexual individuals only use each other for sexual purposes, and their needs are like a black hole that’s never satisfied’ Alvin Cheung on what psychiatrist Dr Hong Kwai-wah told him Hong Kong’s New Creation Association provides LGBTQ “counselling” services, and Cheung had weekly individual sessions with a so-called “ex-gay” counsellor. “We discussed how to suppress my sexual arousal, how to control my emotions regarding the men I was attracted to, and explored the causes of homosexuality … [I was told] it should not be part of God’s creation but rather [was] a result of human sin,” Cheung says. Cheung felt “very lonely” at the time. “Christians at church would not accept my homosexuality, while friends who accepted gays could not understand why I had to change my sexual orientation.” ‘Such a level of discrimination’: LGBTQ books dilemma in Hungary The counsellor referred Cheung to a support group, which was set on “restoring masculinity as God created it and developing ‘healthy’ same-sex relationships”. “It felt like brainwashing,” he says. “The more I suppressed my needs, the more I yearned to attach to men and the more guilty and forbidden I felt about being close to them. “This led to more compulsive psychological abuse on myself under the intervention of friends, counsellors, pastors and ‘professionals’ in the group meetings.” Eight months later, he found himself “mentally collapsed” and was referred to Dr Hong Kwai-wah, a licensed and practising psychiatrist in Hong Kong who is also a founding member and chairman of the New Creation Association. Cheung was diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorders, prescribed medication, and charged thousands in medical fees. Hong told him that true love does not exist for gays. “He said, ‘Homosexual individuals only use each other for sexual purposes, and their needs are like a black hole that’s never satisfied,’” Cheung says. Cheung was led to believe that “being a good Christian meant following Jesus, bearing the cross and sacrificing my own feelings” and if he worked hard to suppress his intimate desires, he “could become normal and heterosexual again”. Over the course of a year under Hong’s supervision, Cheung became more stressed and torn. He left conversion therapy, which he says had “planted seeds of self-rejection” and “self-blame” in his mind. Cheung has since been diagnosed with complex post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) but has learned to embrace his sexual orientation. It is a terrible form of abuse disguised as a treatment. It attempts to treat a ‘problem’ that simply does not exist Hong Kong-based psychologist Dr Michael Eason on ‘conversion therapy’ The Post reached out to New Creation Association for comment but did not receive a response. Hong’s clinic acknowledged that the doctor practises “LGBT counselling” but declined to connect the Post with the doctor for further comments. When Tan returned to Hong Kong from the US after 10 days in the conversion therapy camp, he did not feel any differently towards his sexuality. He did, however, feel more shame, guilt and self-hatred. “In conversion therapy, they don’t teach you to love yourself; they teach you to hate yourself,” he says. “I felt as if something bad would happen to me if I didn’t change, because God was so unhappy with me. That’s the nature of conversion therapy, which is brainwashing.” ‘I was made to do this’: singer Joya on performing at the 2023 Gay Games He chose to remain in his heterosexual marriage and went on to have three children with his then wife. In his early 40s, Tan fell in love with a man, Peter Leong, who would become his husband. “It made me realise I had a chance to be honest. Life is so short. I didn’t want to continue living a lie to my family.” He also found another source of religious inspiration: the late reverend Yap Kim-hao, the first Asian archbishop of the Methodist Church in Singapore and Malaysia. He was known for setting up LGBTQ-friendly Christian churches and advocating for LGBTQ rights in Singapore. “Reverend Yap, who was also my pastor, told me, ‘God made you special. God gives us gifts and has given you the capacity to love differently. You should embrace it.’ And suddenly, it’s like magic. What he said made me realise that I was going to stop fighting myself and start loving myself. “When I started loving myself, everything changed. I was no longer angry and suddenly had the capacity to help others.” A few years later, he divorced his wife, and came out to his law firm, where he is a senior partner. He has since been leading LGBTQ initiatives across the region for the firm. “The feeling of coming out was so amazing. It’s like you carry this heavy bag and suddenly it disappears and you’re free. I felt that physical release, like all that guilt that I had went away.” He waited until his children were a little older before coming out to them, and married Leong in December 2022 in Vancouver, Canada. He told his family, but his parents could not understand and his religious older sister chose not to attend the wedding. His children did, though, and spoke at the dinner, while his ex-wife sent a wedding present. Cheung has been a social worker for 15 years, and has also worked as a lecturer and fieldwork supervisor for social-work students. He integrates LGBTQ-affirmative counselling into sessions with clients in an aim to empower them by promoting self-acceptance, resilience and self-confidence. “I discovered that I function better when I help and love others,” he says. He uses what he has learned to support other vulnerable people who may be affected by counsellors who attempt “conversion therapy” using different terminology but the same methods. Historically, these methods even extended to brain surgery, electric shock and nausea-inducing drugs. In 2020, the United Nations called for a global ban on conversion therapy, which the World Psychiatric Association has also discredited. However, the practice is not yet banned in Hong Kong. Psychologist Dr Michael Eason specialises in LGBTQ affirmative therapy in Hong Kong. He has seen the harmful effects of conversion therapy, which he says is “an unethical and discredited form of ‘therapy’ that leaves devastating psychological impacts”. “It attempts to change a person’s core identity and sexual orientation. Far from being therapeutic, such attempts have been proven to cause increased anxiety, depression, self-harm and suicidality,” he adds. He has never met a person who benefited from the practice. Instead, he finds the survivors often carry “intense feelings of internalised shame and self-hatred” and “require many years of trauma-informed counselling to restore their well-being”. “It is a terrible form of abuse disguised as a treatment,” he says. “It attempts to treat a ‘problem’ that simply does not exist.” Like what you read? Follow SCMP Lifestyle on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. You can also sign up for our eNewsletter here.