How would you explain Snapchat to Emperor Qin Shi Huang?

First, Your Majesty, form a rectangle with your hands by touching the end of your thumbs to the end of your index fingers on the other hand. Look through the gap. What you see through it is like a picture, right? Now, pretend you can freeze this picture and share what you see with others. How? Let’s pretend you want to share what you see with Chubby and Goatee in another place. All three of you would need these blocks of metal that will capture pictures for you. You can press a blue circle, and, within moments, the same picture will appear on the slabs that Chubby and Goatee are holding. This is called Snapchat – it’s a form of magic from, uh, the West.

These images only appear for up to 10 heartbeats. Why? Evolution, Your Highness. Your descendants have the attention span of goldfishes … oh, I beg your pardon, that means people in the future get distracted really easily. There are also things called “streaks”. If you share pictures with the same person for three consecutive days or more, you receive a number that indicates the number of days you’ve been sharing pictures with them. This resets if you miss a day.

There are also a few things you can do to alter the picture you choose. You can add words to the picture, or give it different colours. You can share what you see with people very far away, as long as they have these metal blocks. You could, for instance, ask your officials in Xi’an to share their progress in building your Terracotta Army. Without leaving your palace, you can feel as if you were there – all thanks to the power of the internet!

What’s the internet? Oh boy.

Emperor Qin Shi Huang, do you want to make yourself so popular that every single person in this world knows you? If yes, you should try Snapchat. This is something that will let you send pictures of yourself, or anything you see, to anyone in the world. You can watch people build the Great Wall of China from your throne, or go there yourself and show other people who aren’t there what you see. That way, leaders of other countries will know what you are doing.

Snapchat allows you to communicate with people. You wouldn’t have to travel anywhere to conduct meetings. For example, Melvin Kelwin, the king of Tsui kingdom, uses Snapchat. He likes the wall you are building and wants to do the same thing. He wants to exchange supplies with another country. Imagine that you, Your Majesty, would like the supplies he is offering in return for lots of bricks. You could find that out through Snapchat.

It is also a good way of spreading your messages to your people without your officials’ help. You could use it to make your people like you. Even your enemies might end up deciding not to kill you.

Speaking of killing, you would be able to use Snapchat to see who doesn’t support you. If you could know where they are, you could send people out there to kill them first. You could also find out who is posting things against you. After that, the only people left would be your supporters. That way you could stay in power forever! These are some of the reasons I would highly recommend you use Snapchat.

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