How to ask someone’s pronouns without outing or offending them

The cisgender community needs to get used to owning their pronouns so that non-binary and non-cis individuals don’t feel singled out or pressured to explain why they don't go by he/she

How to navigate the gender pronoun minefield

Wondering whether a new acquaintance goes by he, she, they or ze, but unsure how to ask? Here are some tips the queer community on how best to ask someone their pronouns without outing them if they’re figuring it out themselves.

We need to change the narrative that asking for someone’s pronouns is awkward. Stating pronouns needs to become normalised. When we are at a point in a conversation and you introduce yourself with your name, it should be the next thing that comes out of your mouth. Cisgendered people, in particular, need to get used to using and owning their pronouns, so that queer people don’t have to feel pressure and outed.

Print option is available for subscribers only.
SUBSCRIBE NOW
Copyright © 2025 South China Morning Post Publishers Ltd. All rights reserved.