Brain Game: If you could speak to Covid, what would you say?

  • Each week, our readers vote for their favourite answer and the contestant with the least votes is eliminated
  • This week, contestants tells us what they would say if they could speak to the coronavirus
Kelly Fung |

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We're sure we all have a few things we'd like to say to the coronavirus.

Contestant 1

Covid, this is your final stretch. We have a vaccine coming, and we are prepared to annihilate you. We’ve armed our population with masks, and soon we’ll be immune to you. You will be NO MORE! Mwahahaha!

Contestant 2

You’ve taught us that the further we get from each other, the better we understand each other. You’ve made us look past our materialistic needs and look within ourselves. Nevertheless, was it worth carrying out your actions to the extent of harming people’s lives?

Contestant 3

Why do you need to take so many people away from their families? Why do you need to be completely different from anything we’ve ever seen? You are destroying families. You are preventing people from being with their loved ones, even as they take their final breath.

Contestant 4

Covid: Hi!
Me: OMG! (quickly putting on N95 mask, goggles, protective screen, medical hat) Goodbye, please stay away from Earth. Thanks for your cooperation. (Sanitise hands with alcohol again and again)
Covid: …

Contestant 5

Hello Covid,
You have had a big bearing on our daily lives. The whole world’s economy has been badly affected by you. I beg you to disappear and give us back our normal lives once more. But I still want to thank you for letting me treasure what I have now.

Contestant 6

Dear Covid-19,
I’d like to take the time to thank you for your unexpected, invasive visit to Earth. I jest. We’re so sick of you ruining the party, and we can’t wait to get back to our normal lives once you are terminated.

You may think you are superior, but you underestimate us earthlings. We’ve been through much worse – world wars, the Cold War, and 9/11, to name a few – and we’ve survived them, because we have the determination and drive to do so.

So although we introverts have had a great time staying indoors, your one-way terror ticket is almost used up. While you may not want to budge, we’ll ask our security, otherwise known as our mighty vaccinations, to escort you out.

But don’t worry, you’ll most definitely be remembered as the biggest party-pooper we’ve ever seen. By the time you see this, you will be done for, I’m sure. Nature will punish you. Supernatural beings will punish you. We’re all prepared to pay the price to punish you!

Contestant 7

Why would you take away so much happiness from so many families, leaving them mourning the loss of their loved ones?”

Contestant 8

Before you use your assassination skills on innocent lambs like me, I need to get something off my chest. No hard feelings, all right?

Here it comes ... “You misbegotten son of a leprous donkey!” Yep, Book of Life sure educated me well!

Contestant 9

If I could speak to Covid, I would take all the safety precautions. I would wear masks, gloves, and goggles, and I would carry plenty of hand sanitiser.

I don’t think I’d be especially kind when talking to Covid. I’d probably, among other things, tell it to @#$% off. Not for any reason in particular, just to express my frustration.

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