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Being Chinese

Being Chinese
Being Chinese is an occasional column that contemplates and explores the cultural, existential and related aspects of Chinese experience, whether the writers are Chinese by birth, descent or osmosis.
A woman walks in the nearly deserted shopping area of Sanlitun in Beijing in 2020. Photo: EPA-EFE
China society

Being Chinese | Where do lonely hearts in China go now? Late-night live streams

I was swiping past the noise on Douyin when a calm, warm voice stopped me. So began my evenings in the world of companionship live streams.

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Chinese overseas

Being Chinese | In both China and the West, the art of parenting involves letting go

Chinese overseas

Being Chinese | The 30-word identity pitch of an overseas Chinese

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Women and gender

Being Chinese | Why Chinese women like me are done being quiet and ‘appropriate’

Chinese women are praised for gentleness. Our tone must please; our anger must be graceful. But a new generation is speaking out.

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Young women go through etiquette training at a vocational school in Beijing in 2007, ahead of the 2008 Olympics. Photo: Reuters
Chinese culture

Being Chinese | A very Chinese funeral and all the things my family didn’t say

The Chinese have dizzyingly precise words for various family members, but families like mine express emotions through stoic suffering.

Chinese overseas

Being Chinese | Looking for love in Shanghai, Chinese auntie-style

People’s Square is a ruthlessly efficient analogue of Tinder, run by elderly Chinese parents. I quickly learned about my own limits.

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Food and Drinks

Being Chinese | My food obsession has deep Chinese roots

The rationing era imprinted something on me – not just a craving for food, but a reverence. In Chinese culture, food is never just food.

A child plays a game with zongzi, or sticky rice dumplings, on a high speed train running between Chongqing and Chengdu in southwest China in May 2017, ahead of the Dragon Boat Festival. Photo: Xinhua
China education

Being Chinese | How education in China has evolved, before my very eyes

Amid falling births and policy adjustments, education for one of my children is a more joyous experience than it has been for the other.

Chinese culture

Being Chinese | Life and finance lessons from my Hong Kong mahjong parties

I was a hit with my mahjong buddies because I didn’t play like a typical Chinese person. The years since have taught me better.

China society

Being Chinese | Young Chinese are trying out the simple life. Am I missing out?

My generation has never known an economic slump lasting a number of years. Some friends are taking the opportunity to slow down.

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A view of Lieshen village in Chongqing on August 15. Photo: Xinhua
Hong Kong society

Being Chinese | Half a world away from Hong Kong, I had a Chinese epiphany

I thought I understood British culture. No amount of book reading or television watching could have prepared me for a seismic shift.

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A view of All Souls College of the University of Oxford. Photo: Shutterstock
Chinese culture

Being Chinese | I crave a sense of community. Is that my Chinese side talking?

AI chatbots can’t fufill a desire for connection that may have been passed down generations in a culture where community ties are treasured.

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Hong Kong society

Being Chinese | An ‘elegant’ English name would be all wrong for my Hong Kong baby

My daughter, a child of multiple cultures, needs a carefully chosen name in a city where racial difference is not seamlessly accepted.

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China society

Being Chinese | I escaped a Chinese guoxue ‘reading group’. My friend is less lucky

The trend of ‘national studies’ unsettled me. Packaged in Chinese symbols – robes, incense, ancient wisdom – much of it felt too commodified.

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People young and old pray at Yonghe Temple in Beijing on January 1. After three decades of modernisation, many urban Chinese are spiritually adrift, restless and unsure of where to anchor their values in a fast-changing world. Photo: EPA-EFE
Chinese overseas

Being Chinese | What’s in a Singaporean Chinese name? It’s a long story

In the US, I’ve been assumed to be Taiwanese, mainland Chinese or Korean. It’s like watching people play charades using my business card.

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People stop to take pictures beside a Chinatown mural of martial artist Bruce Lee in San Francisco in 2022. Among the Chinese diaspora in the US, a Singaporean Chinese name can turn into a “Guess where I am from?” quiz. Photo: AP
Chinese overseas

Being Chinese | Dating in the UK, Chinese auntie-style

Looking for a life partner as a 40-something Asian woman in the UK, I found success in unexpected ways.

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Chinese culture

Being Chinese | People laugh in my face when I say I’m Chinese. So what?

I don’t look Chinese. But it’s the tiny things, values and cultural touchpoints that collectively make a Chinese person Chinese.

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China society

Being Chinese | I’m not ‘lying flat’, just choosing a saner lifestyle than China’s 996

In China, work culture is shifting and companies are sending employees home earlier. I chose balance over fatigue before the tide turned.

A woman with a child attends a New Year’s Eve countdown yoga session at Singapore’s Marina Bay in 2016. Photo: Xinhua
Chinese tourists

Being Chinese | Once a Chinese frog in a well, I’m now living my travel dreams

When China opened up and millions went abroad, it influenced everything from fashion and cuisine to values and perspectives.

US-China relations

Being Chinese | I’m a Cannes-going Chinese showbiz producer. It’s fun – except when it isn’t

I make deals with international studios and platforms. Often, I face a wall of Western presumption about the Chinese way of doing things.

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Women and gender

Being Chinese | I identify as a Chinese auntie, cheapskate and busybody. Anyone else?

I revel in low prices and awkward questions. I’m finding that being a Chinese auntie overseas also means being part of an Asian sisterhood.

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A woman finds a use for a bus stop railing while running an errand in Sham Shui Po, Hong Kong, on October 20. Photo: Eugene Lee
Singapore

Being Chinese | In Singapore, my children are freer to be happy than I was in China

Having been through China’s pressure-cooker education system, I appreciate how Singapore balances Eastern discipline and Western creativity.

A girl touches a dinosaur model in the Singapore Zoo in 2016. Unlike the high-pressure environment in China, Singapore encourages children to explore their interests yet maintains high standards. Photo: Xinhua
Women and gender

Being Chinese | How far Chinese women have come since my grandmother’s time

I have more equal status than my grandmother did in the pre-communist era. But young women are still pushing back against discrimination.

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Chinese overseas

Being Chinese | I look Chinese but don’t speak the language. Is that so bad?

I may be missing out on a deeper appreciation of the culture, but I’ve learned to live with it – thank goodness for translation apps.

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Chinese culture

Being Chinese | Why don’t we say ‘I love you’ in Chinese? Let me count the reasons

Chinese speakers like me have been trained to understand the difference between ‘aiyah’ and ‘aiyaah’, and things left unsaid among loved ones.

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Love messages are displayed on an electronic billboard in Tsim Sha Tsui on February 14, 2024. In cities like Hong Kong, those three little words are seldom spoken in Chinese. Photo: May Tse
Chinese culture

Being Chinese | To know who we are, China must remain open to foreigners

Interactions with the outside world have shaped my identity as a Chinese and a human being, opening my eyes to the value of cultural exchange.

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Italian Sara Tentori and her Chinese husband Li Jian select a festive paper cutting at a Spring Festival market in Nanying village in Tianjin on January 19. The couple met when Li was a student in Italy. Photo: Xinhua
Chinese culture

Being Chinese | My Hong Kong crash course in Chinese calculations of everything

Some autumns ago, a midlife crisis brought me to Hong Kong, where it has been inspiring how savvy people are about Chinese cosmology.

Chinese culture

Being Chinese | The beauty of being a filial Chinese daughter

Despite the caregiving challenges, there’s a beauty in accepting filial piety is not a choice but a necessity: roles and responsibilities are clear.

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